Six strategies to keep kids safe

In days past, children could wander their neighborhoods safely, venturing out of their own backyards and exploring the community. Not so today. When your children beg to go to the park with friends or to the nearby mini-mart for candy, you can't simply send them off on their bicycle with a quick kiss and wave good-bye. You have to worry about their safety. But it's not fair to flat-out refuse the adventure either. So what's a parent to do?

Because of the changing complexion of our society today, keeping children safe is no longer a simple, one-dimensional job for parents. But don't worry, it can be done. Read on for six expert ways to tackle the task.

Much of the information for this article comes from Gavin De Becker's book PROTECTING THE GIFT.

LAY SAFETY NETS

Your job as a parent is to think about how you can lay a net for safety, keeping your children protected while allowing the unsupervised summer adventures they long for.

FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS

When your child ventures off, make sure she goes with two friends. Also, introduce your child to people in the neighborhood who would help her if she ever got hurt or stumbled into trouble. Make sure your children always have their home phone number and emergency numbers with them.

NO WANDERING AT WILL

It's best if children don't just wander the neighborhood at will. It's better if they have a destination in mind, like the park or a store, and a specific time limit, say thirty minutes to an hour for returning home.

TAKE A DRY RUN

Before allowing your kids to bike off to buy candy or to play at the park, take them for a dry run, pointing out any hazards along the way and explaining how they can stay safe. And, if you've taught your children "never talk to strangers," it's time to reconsider this rule.

ENCOURAGE CHILDREN TO TALK TO STRANGERS

With all good intentions, most parents teach their children to shy away from strangers. Starting today, please reconsider this notion. Why? Because there are millions of strangers who will be your child's best source of help when she's lost, frightened, or hurt. The confidence to approach a stranger for assistance, to describe her situation, to give a phone number, or to ask advice, is actually the single greatest asset your child could have if she is ever stranded in public.

STRANGERS VS. PREDATORS

There is, of course, a big difference between a stranger who would help your child, and a predator who befriends children, then snatches them away and harms them. By teaching your children to avoid strangers altogether, you might falsely believe that your children are safe from predators.

Research proves, however, that children schooled not to talk to strangers can more easily be lured away by a predator, because they've never had a chance to develop the judgment, experience, or mental ability to discern or protect themselves from the predator's wily ways.

A WATCHFUL EYE

It's best to keep an eye on younger children at all times, as they can't tell who is a safe stranger. But, by talking to a stranger when you're with them, older children can learn who to approach and who not to approach for conversation and help. Read on for specific ways to teach stranger safety to your child.

INSTILL SAFETY MESSAGES

Talking is just talking: what parents really don't want is for their child to go somewhere with a stranger. It's your job to plant this message in children's minds.

TALK, DON'T RIDE, WITH STRANGERS

You're in a grocery line talking with a female stranger, basic checkout line chit-chat, and your five-year-old is involved in the conversation When you're done with your conversation, and the stranger moves on, deliver this message: "That lady was a stranger because we don't really know her. If you got lost in the grocery store, that lady or another lady like her could help you find Mommy. But remember, you would never get into a stranger's car or leave the store with a stranger."

REPETITION IS KEY

For that message to sink into a child's brain, you must repeat it over and over again in a variety of settings.

Once your child turns seven years old, give tacit permission for your child to to talk to a stranger under your watchful eye. Have her ask a stranger for the time or where the peanut butter is located. Afterward discuss why she chose the person she chose, and how the ensuing conversation went. Then offer this line again: "It's fine to ask a stranger for the time, but you would never get into a stranger's car."

APPROPRIATE CONVERSATION

The point here is to allow your child to talk to strangers with you nearby, ready to step in and guide the exchange if necessary. You're there making sure your child is safe, and your child is learning appropriate vs. inappropriate stranger conversation.

Gradually you're teaching your child how to manage himself in public without you. Depending on the location, when your child is about age 10, you can probably begin relying on your child to be off on her own without your full-time protection.

SAFETY CHOICES BUILD CONFIDENCE

Too often parents simply tell children what to do for safety. Instead, parents need to empower kids by offering a number of choices, all of them safe. Children can decide for themselves how to manage a certain situation. By doing so, they gradually gain the confidence and thinking skills to problem solve and manage a variety of situations when away from you.

CHOICES TO GIVE YOUR CHILD:

* "Okay, you're spending the night with Jayme. Where do you want to keep our phone number? In your backpack or in your pocket?"

* "When you go to the movie, are you going to keep your money in your pocket, or are you going to give it to Will's brother?"

* "You know there's a bully on the bus. Are you going to sit by Carolyn, the sixth-grader, or are you going to sit behind the bus driver?"

Of course, if you fear a situation is beyond your child's ability to manage himself, don't hesitate to step in.

LISTEN TO YOUR INTUITION

If you sense a situation is unsafe, pay attention. Act on your intuition by observing, asking questions and moving closer to the situation. Often, when disaster strikes, someone says, "I just knew something was wrong." Well, if someone sensed something was wrong, why didn't she do something?

Usually it's because people don't want to think poorly of a situation, make an unnecessary fuss or appear foolish if something really isn't wrong. Realize, it's better to follow your intuition. No need to respond hysterically; just state your concerns, investigate, and then take action for your children's safety.

OFFER TO HELP OTHER PARENTS

If you spot a parent who seems hassled or burdened in an airport, at the grocery store, in a parking lot or at the doctor's office, offer to help out. Simply ask, "Can I help you?" Maybe you'll end up carrying a diaper bag or engaging an older child while the mom changes the baby. If a child is lost, stay with him or her. Identify yourself as a person who is a parent and who cares about children. From these simple acts of kindness, children learn that most people are helpful and most situations safe.

THE EXPERIENCED CHILD

For children to recognize the difference between a safe and unsafe situation or person, they must be mature, confident and experienced conducting themselves in public. They must also be able to judge when it's time to seek help. They must feel powerful enough to walk away from a potentially unsafe situation, and say "NO!" to a person they sense might harm them.

Until that time, stay as close to your children as you would your purse or briefcase.

The above article was written by Jan Faull, a child-development and behavior specialist, is in her 25th year as a parent-education instructor and public speaker.

..........................................................................................................Next Page